Wicked Step Mother Indeed!
by Eveabella
Summary: A few short fan fics from the fairy tale villains point of view. An attempt at humour . . . probably rubbish. Currently includes Snow White, Little Red Riding Hood, Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella. Please review!
1. Snow White

I never exactly meant to be evil. I mean it's not like I had a checklist for my life. But I always wanted to marry a prince or rather a king. Was it my fault he just happened to be so boring? Come on, I worked hard to get my butt on the throne. Then little Snowy comes prancing in all pretty and prim, and she was going to take my place! The way she painted it made me look like the bloody wicked witch of the west! Everybody knows she tried to kill a little girl, not nearly as obnoxious as Snowy might I add (yes I actually did get to meet her in the end, she was quite nice, that reminds me she promised to visit soon), for a bloody pair of shoes (yes, they were very nice shoes, really lovely I must get a pair . . . but still!)! Besides I can't be her, she died two years ago.

Fine. Condemn me if you will, but honestly she really was the most irritating little thing. Always flaunting her youth! I mean, it's not like I can help getting older; it's a natural thing. A wrinkle here, a-a grey h-hair there . . . I'm sorry it's just a very emotion time for me right now . . .

You should have heard the way she talked to me; as if she were queen already. Well, I said to myself, I said; I better put that girl in her place before she gets cocky. It certainly gave me a laugh when I heard Snowy was living in the forest with Dwarves! Little miss girly-girl, miss prim and proper, living in a dirty wood! I imagined that would straighten her out . . . The way she tells it, she was all nice, and made do; but I swear I could hear her shrieks from the castle. Every time a spider approached her . . . Ha, I laughed my head off imagining her having to deal with bugs. Perhaps something along the lines of "Ew, ew, ew!"

Hmm . . . I am trying to think of a way to explain her. Have you ever seen 'Super Nanny'? Yep, imagine that only apparently incurable. Whining, screaming, temper tantrums - and the stream of profanity! - really, she really shouldn't have been so spoilt by my (sniff) former husband. If she doesn't get her way God help us. The castle staff were threatening to leave! What could I have done?! Granted I didn't handle it as well as I could have, but what experience do I have with a moody teenager? I never was one myself, I was raised in a proper court, and learnt my place. Stupid, spoilt, brat! And I'm the bad guy? Wicked step-mother indeed!


	2. Little Red Riding Hood

Okay, first things first. I am an animal. You can't expect me to have a clear sense of right and wrong. It's not like I said; 'ooh that little girl looks too happy skipping about! I think I'll eat her!' My mind doesn't work that way, I doubt any wolf's does. I was hungry. The woodcutter had pushed me into hiding. I was really, desperately hungry. I was on the point of eating bark. I figured it what did I have to lose?

Okay, so I shouldn't have taken it so far. When she ran back to dear old grandmother's I should have just left. But I was bloody hungry, and there was nothing to eat anywhere. I'm really not much of a hunter; my indistinct and instinctual thoughts were some where along the lines of 'a little girl! Great! An easy catch!' So I go back to the house, only somehow I get there before her. Well, by this point I would have eaten faeces. And I see the grandmother. So weak and fragile. Mostly skin and bones but infinitely preferable to faeces. She was on her death bed anyway! And once again; me – animal, thought – instinct.

As for the clothes, well, err, this is rather embarrassing but I always wondered what wearing clothes felt like. It turns out they're really quite uncomfortable and a tad itchy. Usually, in the wild, I would nap after a feed – you know, to allow my body time to digest. And there was that nice, big, comfortable bed, just going to waste. I swear I didn't plan on attacking Little Red.

Honestly, I've never met a dumber nine year old. Doesn't even recognise her own grandmother! Must be partially blind I suppose, but she seemed to notice the differences, but then why didn't she question that I was her grandmother? Especially when I howled my words. Dumber than a brick. Really.

Then the woodcutter brutally mutilated me to get the remains of the grandmother – who would have been dead soon anyway – out of me. Once again; I'm an animal! Not a menace to society. If they'd just leave a scrap of meat out once in a while. Humans! I mean they don't eat half their food; they throw it out to rot then the chase me away when I try and eat it. Ever heard of waste not want not?


	3. Sleeping Beauty

So imagine, there's this big party right. Everyone's invited. Should be a blast right? Except for one small fact. You're not invited. Well, you probably were invited. I, however, was not. I might have over reacted just a smidge. But still, the only person in the whole kingdom, not to be invited? Wouldn't you be a little pissed? So I decided to crash it. Figured I'd give them a nice little surprise. Wouldn't you? I may be an outcast, but I still have feelings. Well, feeling; singular. Fury. Which they did not take into account when they failed to invite me. Of course, the story you were told didn't include their truly dreadful excuses. "Oh, err, your invite got lost in the mail!" "There was limited seating!" Insolent little . . . Ugh.

And, excuse me for doing what everyone there wanted to but didn't have the courage. The royal family have needed a good kick up the backside since the king took the throne. The way they looked at me when I showed up. Like the dirt on their feet. Speaking simply as if I was a peasant or simpleton. In fact they're so far up their own butts I doubt they would have noticed me if I hadn't made such a big scene.

So I get a little bit angry. Maybe mutter a curse or two. I didn't really mean to carry it out. It was one of those things, you know, "If you say one more word, I swear to God I'll strangle you!" Things like that. Well, then they just had to go and do it, didn't they? Push me over the edge, with their ridiculous cowering and looks of disgust. Am I really that ugly and terrifying? Curses aside, I mean. You would think I would have the power to change my appearance or something, if I can seal the fate of a little kid. She was a very pretty baby though. Prettiest baby I ever saw. Okay, so I may have been a little jealous.

It all worked out in the end didn't it? I didn't do any good. I mean evil. Well, for me it would have been good. Fun to explore when time's stopped. Put people in funny positions, steal the crown jewels and what not. Back to the point; she got her 'Prince Charming'. What kind of a name is 'Charming' anyway? A very common one at the very least. Who calls their child 'Charming'? No matter how 'Charming' they are, it borders on child cruelty. I mean can you imagine the kid in class?

It was a brilliant curse. Rather inventive. A spinning wheel! Who would have guessed? It was a spare of the moment thing, you know. The mind can do wonders if you let it have free reign. And for my creativity, what do I get? Labelled evil. Well, thank you very much.

**_Thanks to Naomi for reviewing : ) Here's another chapter!_**


	4. Cinderella

**How, pray tell, is it our fault we're ugly?** – _Yeah, I mean_ _it's not like_ _we can choose._ – **We could get plastic surge**- _No! We are not getting plastic surgery! You can, but there is absolutely no way I'm putting some of my ass in my face._ – **Fine. It was just a suggestion. Jeez, don't bite my head off! Anyway.** – _Back to the point._ –** Cindy.** – _Yes, dear Cindy._ –** Can I just say, we weren't as horrible as she makes out?** – _No, I always thought we were quite nice considering._ – **Considering what a pain in the ass she was.** – _Thank God she finally moved in with P.C._ – **P.C. ha, that's good.** – _Huh?_ – **Never mind. But anyway.** – _Yes, Cindy. Considering she was_ – **Beautiful.** – _Yes. And we_ – **Aren't.** – _No. Well, we were always . . . nice. Ish. We didn't force her to clean the floor with our toothbrushes! And she wasn't exactly the perfect sister. Don't think we didn't hear all the insults she muttered under her breath, the names she called us . . . Too horrendous to repeat._

- **Okay, so we could have been a bit more mature about it, but we were younger than her. And really, if you had to live with that spoilt little cow 24/7 you would have ended up hating her too. It was all we could do not to rip her pretty little head off when she made that little angelic smile to our father, who was convinced she could do no wrong. Anything she did, we got the blame for! And she would happily let us take the fall, silently gloating. What a** -

_Yep. Well, the ball was meant to be our night to shine. Our debut, so to speak. We had bought the most expensive dresses we could afford, they really were lovely, and . . . Have you ever wondered where little Cinders got the material for the dress her and those bloody annoying mice made? Yes, I'm afraid so. Can you blame us for tearing it up? It was shoddy work anyway, the way she tells it, it was a beautiful pink gown, fit for a princess. Actually, it was browned with dirt, because her room was filthy. It wasn't when she moved in to it. And it was coming apart at the seams anyway. Not really surprising when she failed her seamstress course and all she had for helpers were three blind mice and some birds, who, may or may not have pooped somewhere on the dress._

- **So imagine, it's the night of the ball, and we can't find our dresses then Cindy comes out in that rag, we recognise. Of course we tear it off her! And then go and find whatever else we can wear at short notice. Of course, then the fairy God-mother turns up and only hears her side of the story! So she gives Cindy a beautiful blue gown and glass slippers** -

_Which, by the way, did not flatter her feet! And the prince sees her and falls head over heels! It was supposed to be our night!_

- **_Not Fair!_** -

Thanks again to Naomi. Sorry it took so long.

Thanks to TheGrimmBunny for reviewing. Hopefully more chapters to come : )


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